The Invisible Job You Never Applied For (But Got Anyway)

And why it’s time to update the job description.

I’ve yet to meet a woman who has been handed a formal contract for the role of Chief Everything Officer in her household. No induction. No pay. No office Christmas party. Just… a never-ending to-do list and the quiet expectation that she’ll handle it. All of it. Flawlessly.

You know the one:

• The holiday planner.
• The doctor appointment booker.
• The memory-keeper, mood-soother, emotional barometer, lost sock locator.
• And, let’s not forget, the only human in the house who knows how the dishwasher works.

Honestly, I’ve seen military operations with less logistical complexity than the average Wednesday in a woman’s life.

And here’s the kicker…

Most of these expectations? Unspoken.
Most of the recognition? Non-existent.
Most of the resentment? Building quietly behind a strained smile and a cup of cold tea she forgot she made and had inexplicably left in the fridge or microwave.

Now, let me just say, before the emails start pouring in, I have absolutely played my part in all this. Not because I was cruel. Not because I was trying to be difficult. But because for the first half of my life (and a decent chunk of the second), I didn’t see it.

I simply didn’t see what my partner was carrying…because it was easier not to see it as then I’d have to have faced it and then I’d have had to have done something about it and that would have required effort. I’m appalled to say that this was me, but it was. No excuse here, just explanation.

And if you don’t see it…
You don’t question it.
If you don’t question it…
You don’t change it.

That’s how the Patriarchy works.
Not always with force, but with familiarity.
With invisible rules. With roles that feel so normal, we forget to ask if they’re fair.

And to be honest, a lot of the time, the women I now coach didn’t see it either; not fully. Until one day, they looked around at their life, their relationship, their kids, their job, and thought:

💬 “Why am I doing everything?”
💬 “Why does no one else seem to notice... or care?”
💬 “And how did I get this job in the first place?”

To which I usually say:
Because you applied for it. Without meaning to.

You applied by saying yes when you wanted to say no.
You applied by doing it yourself because it was quicker.
You applied by avoiding the argument, the eye-roll, the sigh.

And guess what?
You got the job.
Congratulations.
Now… shall we talk about a promotion?

A promotion out of martyrdom and into partnership.
A promotion away from being the fixer of all things and towards being the leader of your own life.

Because here’s the thing: You can’t set new standards if you’re still upholding old ones out of guilt, habit or muscle memory.
And yes, changing this can feel weird at first. Clunky. Like you’re breaking a rule no one remembers agreeing to.

But break it anyway.

It is not your job to carry everything.
It is not noble to be exhausted.
And it is not weak to want more from the people around you.

So maybe today is a good day to review that job description.
Cross a few things off. Add a few boundaries in.
Have a small but mighty conversation that starts with:

💬 “Hey, I’m not doing this anymore.”
💬 “I love you, but no.”
💬 “It’s time we shared this.”

And if that feels too much right now?

Start here:
Give yourself the afternoon off.
Pour the tea you’ll actually drink.
And write a glowing self-appraisal.

Because honestly?
The fact you’ve kept it all spinning this long is nothing short of miraculous.

But maybe… just maybe…
The miracle isn’t in how much you’ve done.

It’s in how much more peaceful your life could become once you decide to stop doing it all.